I don't–

[He clenches his teeth and glances away as much as Baren will allow. Baren's right. He doesn't know what he's feeling. He's sorting it out as he goes but it's slow and hard to comprehend even then. There's too much left undefined. Baren's rules and preferences are hidden from him. Failure would cost him too much.

Still, he doesn't like how Baren says it. As if Baren's cheap enough to be an experiment. As if all of this were nothing more than idle curiosity or stress relief.

It's why the only thing he can say with absolute certainty is]

... I don't want you for just one night.

... you haven't even tried me yet, Z. You don't know that.

[Despite everything, Baren laughs.

He laughs because sex doesn't mean anything to him. As fun as it can be, it's empty. No one owes him anything for a night. If it's a few repeated nights, that's fine too. Nothing has to change. He doesn't have to open his heart to anyone he sleeps with, not when it's purely physical.

Does he want to sleep with Zoro? Oh fuck yeah. No doubt. In a heartbeat. That sounds like an entirely new game, something fun and exciting.

But when Zoro looks so uncomfortable, so unsure - Baren has no interest in turning him into a toy.

He lets go of Zoro's collar and shrugs.]

So - what? A few nights? Sure, whatever.

Don't make it so complicated. You'll hurt yourself thinking too hard. Just let me know when you have an answer. No expiration date.

[And he'll move past to get their dinner on some plates if that's the end of that.]

[fuck no it's not

Zoro is confused, disoriented and absolutely determined to finish what he started. Eating dinner, joking around, it'd be great if nothing had happened. As it is, moving back to normalcy just feels like defeat. Without an answer, without some kind of understanding, the whole episode would hang over them, haunting every future interaction.

If he hadn't brought it up they could easily move on to dinner. But he hadn't and it wouldn't until matters were settled.

Baren walks by and Zoro grabs him by the wrist, frustrated and annoyed. Everything would be so much easier if Baren just understood.]

Would you stop acting like that's what I'm interested in?! [Sex hadn't even been on his mind. Even now the subject doesn't raise much curiosity.] It's–you, idiot. Not for a few nights but as many as you let me have. So stop being so damn flippant about it. I didn't do that because I wanted anything. It just felt right.

[and then, in true zoro frustration and embarrassment, he goes back to raising his voice:] Why the hell do I have to explain this to you?! Just–[RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH]–Just get it, alright?!

[It's foreign.

It'd been enough to send Baren's heart into a frenzy when Zoro said that he missed him - because it was believable. Embarrassing but believable.

Zoro wanting him - past the physical?

It's so impossible to believe that Baren thinks it's a lie.

An unintentional one, misguided in Zoro's confusion. Mistaking lust for love isn't that odd, he's pretty sure Chuuya has the same problem. It's nothing that Baren holds against him, but it's also something that he knows he has to end now. Not enough to shatter their relationship, because he'd just promised otherwise, but enough to nip this empty infatuation in the bud.

Hence why he answers calmly, delivers his answer almost clinically.]

I don't date.

That's not up for negotiation - even for you, Z.

['Trust me,' he thinks, 'I'm doing you a favor.']

Edited 2017-08-30 07:29 pm (UTC)

[And then he relaxes, eyes bright with amusement. That's the bad news, but he thinks it's important to set that boundary before any hopes get too high up.

Then he reaches up to shove at Zoro's face almost playfully, just as he snorts and grins.]

Don't worry, you'll get yourself sorted out soon. Firsts are always a pain in the ass.

I do look good on paper, don't I?

[The reality is much worse, but he's flattered nonetheless.]

[There was the answer.]

As if. Half the time you look homeless. [The shove back is delayed, but still comes. He moves past Baren.] Jeez... why did I agree to follow a conceited guy like you, anyway...

[rhetorical, joking–or an attempt at it. there's plenty of reasons why. He points between the dishes, looking back at Baren.] So which one's yours?

The one that looks like it can feed two elephants - are you kidding? Of course meat mountain is yours, stupid.

[He'll still grab his own plate and move to the table, shrugging as he goes.

Already he's re-evaluating. No more flirting with Z until he gets over whatever this weird infatuation is. Maybe it's because he lost his promise with that one girl? Is he looking for someone to fill that void? Maybe he's lonely....

Baren experiments with the idea of making him a Tinder.]

Anyway, I dunno. Could always follow Toasty. All he'd ask is for you to chug protein and do three hundred back handsprings everyday. [ . . . ] I feel like after knowing you as long as I have I should know what working out actually looks like, but I like my idea better.

[He's already shoving meat in his face. At least one third of the stuff is gone. He is definitely eating with his mouth full.]

You're not supposed to answer, idiot. It's one of those... [he can't remember the word rhetorical so he just decides... fuck it.] ... Whatever.

Toshi's a good guy but but I don't trust him enough for it.

Yeah.

[A long, long, long pause as Baren seems to just stare at a wall, unimpressed and expression blank.]

He's annoying as fuck.

[And then he'll keep eating.]

[well that's enough to make zoro stop eating.]

What'd he do?