[baren will just snort - ]

Don't do that, I don't have anyone's number memorized.

[liar liar he has his sister's number memorized and he might be able to dial the inkwell on muscle memory but details.

the answer is a man skirt + denim fabric halter combo

baren is very pleased he found both of these things in zoro's size]

[why.

zoro can't even put the full thing on. his body is rejecting it. the shirt he manages but the skirt remains at his thighs for a hot second before he's scrambling to get out of it.]

No.

[he's getting the skirt thrown at his face]

SHUT UP!

[the halter top too. and the outfit he just tried on. he's just throwing a flustered fit.]

[baren manages to catch the skirt - but the halter top gets him in the face. not that he even really cares he's still dying of laughter. he wipes at his eyes to make sure there's no tears.]

Ahahaha, you're a good sport, Z...! I'll treat you to something good after this, 'kay?

To what? Ice cream? There's nothing you could get me that'd make up for this.

[he's not 12. he's not gonna be satisfied with a dumb ice cream cone.

he grabs the next outfit, desperately hoping the pile will run out soon.]

I was thinking booze. But I guess we could always mix booze and ice cream. You ever try to make a pie out of alcohol?

[what if baren's domesticity met his bad life choices

what if

anyway the next outfit is some overbearingly furry coat, no shirt, and pleather pants

baren actually wonders if zoro would wear this normally]

I don't like sweets. Sounds like a waste of good booze.

[he

actually likes this. the pleather's a bit cheesy–leather pants weren't hard to find–but the coat? he's into it to the point where he's checking himself out in the mirror, nodding in approval.]

This isn't bad.

Let me do your hair again, I'll make you into Macklemore for real.

[just saying

please god why]

I'm never letting you near my hair again.

[does zoro even know who macklemore is? does he listen to anything but classic rock? who knows.

he's not taking the coat off. the lame pants, sure.]

If this place sells all these overpriced clothes shouldn't they have real leather?

[not that it really matters since he has five pairs of leather pants but. you know. more never hurt.]

But I think cotton candy pink would look sooooo good on you.

[right????]

And I dunno, I didn't check.

[he went

straight for the pleather

this is friendship]

What the hell? Did you just go looking for clothes I'd hate?

[he's so offended. unsurprised, but offended.]

This stuff is like paper. You know how easily it tears?

[that's alright though. zoro's a grown man. he squeezes next to baren just to shout at the attendant for real leather. she complies, confused but intrigued all the same. he grunts his thanks, closes the door again and

pushes the pants against baren's cheek.]

Feel that? Real leather.

[for fuck's sake]

Don't press leather against my face, that's too kinky for the daylight hours.

[and he just manages to sound annoyed???? and otherwise shoves zoro's hand away with a sigh]

I'm a model, stupid. You think I don't know what leather feels like?

[he's also a lewd. and raids zoro's closets. those two explanations exist apart from each other.]

[his pants don't even fit you, baren.

anyway, he gives baren a flat look as he pulls his pants on.]

Dunno since you couldn't seem to pick it out.

[shimmy shimmy shimmy. the downside to leather pants is that they're just. real tight. these especially. zoro doesn't seem to mind.]

Could use more padding but I guess they're alright. [just gonna pat himself down here to check.] You got anymore outfits or are you finally satisfied?

Hope you never want kids.

[zoro and his ridiculously tight pants - but baren just shrugs easily.]

Eh, the fun part anyway. We got another store to hit but it'll be boring in comparison.... Ah well, I had a good laugh.

Sadist.

[Still, just one store? That doesn't seem right when she's such a shopaholic. He's relieved, but still–]

One store's pretty tame for you, Nami.

[Wait.]

[Wait.

. . . . . . .

A long, long, long silence as Baren levels an almost icy look a Zoro.]

Hey Z.

You haven't been keeping a girlfriend from me this entire time, have you?

[Though despite what might be expected, Baren's not exactly feeling jealousy or betrayal - but he'd never flirt with a man who's already taken. There are some lines that he very specifically never crosses.]

No. It's not like that. Maybe? I—

[Just what is this? He can see her clearly—a woman he's never met at different stages of her life. Short hair, long hair; shorter, taller. Still loud, still bossy and conniving and clever and still filling him with an uncomfortable warmth. Why? She had been blackmailing him, just like Baren. Holding some unspoken debt above him to get him to be some package mule. So why, in addition to overwhelming annoyance, did she feel close?]

—I don't know. She feels like you but... [Ugh. God. What's going on here?] ... Hey. Is this like what those messed up memories feel like?

[ . . . . Hm. That's a better explanation and it gets Baren's shoulders to relax. He wonders if he could beat Zoro in a fight if he took him by surprise, but otherwise lets the thought drop.]

Probably.

I got to remind you of some woman...? Man, you're definitely, super, annoyingly straight.

[what the fuck, baren.]

I told you it's not like that!

[Why... why must you always ruin Moments, Baren.]

I meant a friend.

[For such a reserved guy, he sure doesn't have a hard time admitting that. Just like he doesn't have too hard a time moving on. Good old repression. He smacks Baren on the chest as he heads out, still dressed like fucking Mick Jagger.]

Come on. Let's get your makeup or whatever.

[It's because of things like That that makes Baren ruin Moments.

There's a snap of fire, of sincere irritation at being called a friend as uncomfortable knots make him tense even as he's shoved aside. There's an automatic scowl that resembles a cornered animal - but it's gone so fast that one might wonder if it was just a trick of the light.

Friends. He scoffs and heads out of the dressing room, grabbing a beanie from the rack with the brand obviously emblazoned on it and shoves it over his head as he wanders to the cash register. Wordlessly, he pays for whatever Zoro's wearing before shoving his hands in his pockets and breathing out an irritated sigh.]

Alright, Mackleless, we're moving on.