IC INBOX (RECOLLE)

[stopbleeding]

Ryouta Ono/Zoro

Now worth 320 million.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

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[stopbleeding]

It's a Russian pizza place. You ever hear of a Russian pizza place?

[There's a pizza with 12 different kinds of fish on there. He's not sure whether to be impressed or disgusted.

He'll still take it back, though.]

So what are you thinking of getting him?

[crudest]

It's only about as odd as Thai-Mexican fusion.

[but he's pretty sure he's had that too. regardless, he's just going to hum thoughtfully]

I gotta look at the registry itself... and then figure out what I can shove fireworks in.

[stopbleeding]

Pretty much anything except plates.

[Not that he sounds very approving.]

Fireworks? Really?

[What about those goofy snakes that pop out of cans, Baren?? Things that won't accidentally kill other people.]

[crudest]

[Too bad. Baren's just grinning because he's already made his mind up.]

Yeah!! I bought a whole variety pack a couple weeks ago - I've got some of the small poppers left? It'll be great! He'll definitely freak!

[stopbleeding]

[Oh. Well, those won't really hurt anyone. That's fine.]

Maybe something that gets put in the oven...

[crudest]

Or by his head.

[maybe he's not going for fatality but

deafness]

[stopbleeding]

Stuffing it in a pillow would be pretty easy.

[He already got Jim bedding though... hmm.]

How's it going to get set off?

[crudest]

Can probably pack the popper itself between two firmer objects so that when Jim puts his head down, it'll be enough pressure to make it pop.

[yes. he likes this idea. he starts picking up his pace to bed, bath, and beyond or whatever equivalent there is at the towers]

Nice! Let's make his head spin!

[stopbleeding]

[following, following, luckily not getting lost.]

You think he likes plaid? I saw some plaid pillows when I was shopping before.

[crudest]

Plaid is gross and went out of season months ago.

[ . . . ]

Good idea, Z!

[stopbleeding]

I was expecting you to be pickier.

[He's suspicious. Maybe Baren is too wrapped up in his fireworks scheme to criticize his suggestion?? Suspicious.]

He could be a lumberjack, though. Into that sort of thing.

[crudest]

That would explain why he's having a hard time getting a date...

Hmm... I just needed your eye for shitty things that are bad fashion.... What else do you like?

[baren is the worst friend]

[stopbleeding]

[whirling around on the escalator. or wherever they are.]

What the hell is that supposed to mean?! I have taste!!

[crudest]

[ . . . . ]

I don't know if being that delusional sounds nice or scary....

[stopbleeding]

I'll throw you down this escalator, asshole.

[crudest]

You'd be doing down with me, jackass.

[God.]

Do you use brute force to solve everything? Sad.

[stopbleeding]

[Scowl scowl grunt.]

Not like you'd be satisfied if I used any other way either.

[For approximately 15 seconds he sulks.]

For the record: I don't like plaid.

[crudest]

Guess that's what I'm buying you for Christmas.

[though he'll hop off the escalator now to wander into the store.... time to look for the ugliest pillows he can find]

[stopbleeding]

[Zoro just. Grumbles. Stupid Baren. He's lost this battle but not the war.]

Over here. You'll just get white comforters that way.

[Weird. He seems to know this section pretty well.]

[crudest]

[ . . . huh.]

Did you do home decorating without me? I thought for sure you'd be too hopeless and colorblind...

[stopbleeding]

I already got him a gift. Came here with another guy. We got him one of those things... the ones you scrub yourself with in the shower? It had the Bulk on it. In it?

[Doesn't matter. He points ahead of him, past a sea of sheet sets.]

The pillows are over here.

[crudest]

[a soft gasp]

You picked things out with other men? Z... I thought what we had was special.

[but he's just being a little shit now

moving right on ahead to the pillows and making a sincere attempt to find the grossest one - except he also finds one with a nice floral print and picks it up automatically]

Oh... I like this. I could leave it at Kiyo's....

[he's hot then he's cold, he's yes then he's no]

[stopbleeding]

[Zoro baps Baren in the head with a cylindrical couch pillow.]

We're here for Joe.

[Joe? Jim? Whatever.] ... It needs lace. It's not bad enough.

[crudest]

.... words I never thought I'd hear you say: that.

You into lace, Z?

[stopbleeding]

[Another pillow bap.]

Lace and flowers. You can't get more old cat lady than that.