It's a Russian pizza place. You ever hear of a Russian pizza place?

[There's a pizza with 12 different kinds of fish on there. He's not sure whether to be impressed or disgusted.

He'll still take it back, though.]

So what are you thinking of getting him?

It's only about as odd as Thai-Mexican fusion.

[but he's pretty sure he's had that too. regardless, he's just going to hum thoughtfully]

I gotta look at the registry itself... and then figure out what I can shove fireworks in.

Pretty much anything except plates.

[Not that he sounds very approving.]

Fireworks? Really?

[What about those goofy snakes that pop out of cans, Baren?? Things that won't accidentally kill other people.]

[Too bad. Baren's just grinning because he's already made his mind up.]

Yeah!! I bought a whole variety pack a couple weeks ago - I've got some of the small poppers left? It'll be great! He'll definitely freak!

[Oh. Well, those won't really hurt anyone. That's fine.]

Maybe something that gets put in the oven...

Or by his head.

[maybe he's not going for fatality but

deafness]

Stuffing it in a pillow would be pretty easy.

[He already got Jim bedding though... hmm.]

How's it going to get set off?

Can probably pack the popper itself between two firmer objects so that when Jim puts his head down, it'll be enough pressure to make it pop.

[yes. he likes this idea. he starts picking up his pace to bed, bath, and beyond or whatever equivalent there is at the towers]

Nice! Let's make his head spin!

[following, following, luckily not getting lost.]

You think he likes plaid? I saw some plaid pillows when I was shopping before.

Plaid is gross and went out of season months ago.

[ . . . ]

Good idea, Z!

I was expecting you to be pickier.

[He's suspicious. Maybe Baren is too wrapped up in his fireworks scheme to criticize his suggestion?? Suspicious.]

He could be a lumberjack, though. Into that sort of thing.

That would explain why he's having a hard time getting a date...

Hmm... I just needed your eye for shitty things that are bad fashion.... What else do you like?

[baren is the worst friend]

[whirling around on the escalator. or wherever they are.]

What the hell is that supposed to mean?! I have taste!!

[ . . . . ]

I don't know if being that delusional sounds nice or scary....

I'll throw you down this escalator, asshole.

You'd be doing down with me, jackass.

[God.]

Do you use brute force to solve everything? Sad.

[Scowl scowl grunt.]

Not like you'd be satisfied if I used any other way either.

[For approximately 15 seconds he sulks.]

For the record: I don't like plaid.

Guess that's what I'm buying you for Christmas.

[though he'll hop off the escalator now to wander into the store.... time to look for the ugliest pillows he can find]

[Zoro just. Grumbles. Stupid Baren. He's lost this battle but not the war.]

Over here. You'll just get white comforters that way.

[Weird. He seems to know this section pretty well.]

[ . . . huh.]

Did you do home decorating without me? I thought for sure you'd be too hopeless and colorblind...

I already got him a gift. Came here with another guy. We got him one of those things... the ones you scrub yourself with in the shower? It had the Bulk on it. In it?

[Doesn't matter. He points ahead of him, past a sea of sheet sets.]

The pillows are over here.

[a soft gasp]

You picked things out with other men? Z... I thought what we had was special.

[but he's just being a little shit now

moving right on ahead to the pillows and making a sincere attempt to find the grossest one - except he also finds one with a nice floral print and picks it up automatically]

Oh... I like this. I could leave it at Kiyo's....

[he's hot then he's cold, he's yes then he's no]

[Zoro baps Baren in the head with a cylindrical couch pillow.]

We're here for Joe.

[Joe? Jim? Whatever.] ... It needs lace. It's not bad enough.

.... words I never thought I'd hear you say: that.

You into lace, Z?

[Another pillow bap.]

Lace and flowers. You can't get more old cat lady than that.