No.

[Yes.]

Why would I waste my time worrying over your reckless ass? It's what you do for a living.

[But now there are monsters and so it's different when you throw yourself at things that are actively trying to kill you.]

If you end up killing yourself, I always figured I'd just see you in hell.

[Living without you until then just sounds harder than expected.]

... you're just really fucking annoying about it. And you don't tell me half the shit you get up to unless I end up bringing it up myself. Secrets are fair game between us but they're starting to get in my way now.

[... Yeah, that's a decent enough lie.]

Right.

[He's not sure whether to buy it or not so he gives it half-and-half. None of it's a lie. Not really. It's just more a shroud to hide the truth. That was how Baren worked. Most of the time.

Zoro's pretty sure his mostly right. It's only the issue at the end that leaves him second guessing.]

So you want me to be even more honest with you. That what you're saying?

I can't work if I don't have enough information, Z. If it was like it was before, it wouldn't matter to me what you did even if the world was burning. But if you want to keep me? I don't want to lose my fucking mind.

[Terms and conditions - as per always. Amendments being made to agreements once Baren found things that didn't work.

Again, he knows he's asking for a lot. Cooking Zoro's favorite dinner won't be enough. If Zoro agrees to this, it might be uneven again -

And at some point, Baren didn't like that anymore.]

Can you deal with that?

Depends. You're gonna have to be more upfront about what that involves.

[yeah. all that prior happiness is gone.]

I'm not gonna be monitored, Baren.

[Constant updates, check-ins–even in the tunnels it was getting too much for him. The foundation of their friendship was freedom. That gets taken away then there's not much left to hold up everything else.]

[Baren hums thoughtfully at that, openly thinking about it.]

I don't like monitoring people...

[ - but he likes information. He likes knowing when someone's in danger, or injured. He likes knowing where all of the pieces are on the chessboard, even if he's not actively manipulating them. He tastes one of the pieces of meat in the pan, chewing as he lets the thoughts roll around in his head.

He takes another piece and holds it out for Zoro to sample.]

I just don't believe in you staying alive for a bunch of fucking digital fish.

[which he never got around to deleting anyway]

[Zoro plucks the morsel out of Baren's fingers with his teeth. Gives an affirming nod. Good.]

Then believe in me staying alive for my promise.

[Something Baren probably underestimates. That's fine. He'll show him.] I told you I would always be here. That's not gonna change.

[When they go to hell, they'll go together. Anything else would just mean a broken vow.]

... Right now it's hard. I'm trying to find my limits. That's why I slipped up before. Now I have an idea where the line is. [He uncrosses his arms, braces himself on the counter instead.] I'll be more careful. I won't let it happen again.

[And that's as much of the truth as he can promise.]

[It makes sense, even if Baren doesn't like it.

Finding your limits, testing the very edges of what you can do - his own acrobatics are different. He can determine that based on his own practice. But things like when Yamato wants to know the extent of his healing, or when Zoro wants to test the edges of his immortality, it's different.

... sure, it could've been more of a controlled experiment, but Baren really doesn't expect Zoro to think that hard about safety precautions.

He turns off the stove but before he serves them both, he turns to Zoro and tilts his head, defiant as ever even though he has no place to be making demands.]

... Then I want a new promise. Small revision.

[You can't revise a promise but fine. He sighs, tilting his head to the side.]

Say it.

[In that case, Baren thinks that it's good as done, even though that's not how promises work at all.]

You want me to stay with you? Fine.

But I don't settle and I don't like keeping things small. So you'll have to prove it if you want to stick with me too, and I expect you to keep up.

No lies, no betrayal, no turning back when things get difficult, right?

[It's almost the same as the swords - almost. There's a difference when he's talking to a person who is also a weapon, who can't betray him and have an innate sense of loyalty as a tool. Zoro's not like that. No matter what, he'll never just be a tool.

But if it's certainty and dedication - ]

Remember how I said I wanted to rule over a small kingdom? That might still be BS...

But having a knight doesn't sound so bad. Pirate knight sounds stupid, but I guess we can work with it.

No.

[Pirate knight does sound stupid and he's lowkey offended Baren couldn't figure out the proper title for them. Rank is rank, even among pirates and knights.]

Be my captain. I'll be your first mate, your knight, your whatever–so long as I'm your right hand.

[He closes the distance between them until their chests nearly touch.] But if you ever do monitor me... if you ever do take my freedom–[he grins]–I'll kick your ass.

Get it, captain?

You know, as a Captain or a King, I probably wouldn't be doing my job right if your freedom takes you anywhere away from me.

[He's not intimidated. That's fine.

If anything, it sounds like a fun challenge. A new way for him to exercise control, while playing the tightrope act of never being so demanding that it becomes suffocating. His eyes turn bright at the prospect.

Still he just turns his face up to meet Zoro's gaze even as his hand comes up to his chin - ]

What, you wanna seal it with a kiss, Z?

[Maybe it's the spark in Baren's eyes or the coy remarks that steal the final word. Maybe it's just another glimpse at the normalcy they have that makes him grin back.]

Yeah. Sure.

[Maybe a lot of things led him to this point, taking Baren's hand and bringing it closer. There's so many maybes, too many possibilities, and he'll think about them all later.

For now, he follows the moment and kisses the back of Baren's hand.]

That work for you?

[Oh.

Baren raises a brow, if only because he didn't think that'd actually work... at all. A kiss on the hand isn't bad, but if you give him an inch, he'll take a mile....

So he grins openly now, his good humor apparently back in full swing as he moves to close some more of the distance between him and Zoro. Dinner is literally waiting for them, but - ]

I guess - but I'd rather have a real one, you know.

Greedy little shit.

[He's not angry. Can't even latch onto a thread of annoyance. The grin means Baren's back, they're back. The threat of one less person has retreated.

He's grateful. For a lot of things, really, but today it's the simple fact that Baren came to visit. That they could talk. That they were close enough that forgiveness could be reached by both parties, not separated by an ocean of silence and repressed concern.

Even now, the phone call is fresh in his mind and even now–particularly now–he remembers who soothed him. Maybe the only person left that really could.]

Alright.

[Zoro tips up Baren's chin and kisses him. It's a real one this time.]

[Oh.

That happened.

It's Baren's own joke, his own bait, his own toy - and yet there's not a chance in hell that he saw this coming. When Zoro tips his head up he has half a mind to flinch for a punch that isn't coming, but the feeling of lips on his interrupts that.

And as with all kisses that Baren doesn't expect, he bites.

It's not a painful bite but it's a chiding nip nonetheless, if only with the intention to get Zoro to retreat. Except.

Except one hand does come up to grip onto Zoro's collar, holding him in place so he can't straighten back up even as Baren pulls back and raises a brow sky high.

King of mixed signals.]

.... Z?

What the fuck?

[The bite isn't painful but it's enough to snap Zoro out of his reverie. His retreat is halted by the hand on his collar. He tests its grip as his discomfort grows, as if escape would stop his throat less tight. It's no use.]

... Sorry. [Muttered, almost timid. He can't even meet Baren's eyes.] Just felt right.

[Now he'd take it back if he could. His gut is twisting; it all feels like a catastrophic mistake.]

[Baren watches Zoro's expression, confusion still swirling in his own mind. He'd been certain that Zoro was straight or at least uninterested - it's why he'd been shameless in his flirting.

That, and an undying sense of curiosity.

So his grip is firm, keeping Zoro in place even as he observes and hums faintly.]

Quit freaking out, it's just me.

[It's still just them.

Still, Baren isn't the type to shy away from what he wants, to satisfy his own pursuits.]

Do you even want me like that, Z? Do you even know....?

'cause if you want to find out, I'd let you. If that's what you need, you can have me for a night.

[ - because an emotional intimacy still doesn't cross Baren's mind. It was an impulse. A curiosity. And if it's something he can help Zoro answer, he'll do it.]

And if not, let's eat.

I don't–

[He clenches his teeth and glances away as much as Baren will allow. Baren's right. He doesn't know what he's feeling. He's sorting it out as he goes but it's slow and hard to comprehend even then. There's too much left undefined. Baren's rules and preferences are hidden from him. Failure would cost him too much.

Still, he doesn't like how Baren says it. As if Baren's cheap enough to be an experiment. As if all of this were nothing more than idle curiosity or stress relief.

It's why the only thing he can say with absolute certainty is]

... I don't want you for just one night.

... you haven't even tried me yet, Z. You don't know that.

[Despite everything, Baren laughs.

He laughs because sex doesn't mean anything to him. As fun as it can be, it's empty. No one owes him anything for a night. If it's a few repeated nights, that's fine too. Nothing has to change. He doesn't have to open his heart to anyone he sleeps with, not when it's purely physical.

Does he want to sleep with Zoro? Oh fuck yeah. No doubt. In a heartbeat. That sounds like an entirely new game, something fun and exciting.

But when Zoro looks so uncomfortable, so unsure - Baren has no interest in turning him into a toy.

He lets go of Zoro's collar and shrugs.]

So - what? A few nights? Sure, whatever.

Don't make it so complicated. You'll hurt yourself thinking too hard. Just let me know when you have an answer. No expiration date.

[And he'll move past to get their dinner on some plates if that's the end of that.]

[fuck no it's not

Zoro is confused, disoriented and absolutely determined to finish what he started. Eating dinner, joking around, it'd be great if nothing had happened. As it is, moving back to normalcy just feels like defeat. Without an answer, without some kind of understanding, the whole episode would hang over them, haunting every future interaction.

If he hadn't brought it up they could easily move on to dinner. But he hadn't and it wouldn't until matters were settled.

Baren walks by and Zoro grabs him by the wrist, frustrated and annoyed. Everything would be so much easier if Baren just understood.]

Would you stop acting like that's what I'm interested in?! [Sex hadn't even been on his mind. Even now the subject doesn't raise much curiosity.] It's–you, idiot. Not for a few nights but as many as you let me have. So stop being so damn flippant about it. I didn't do that because I wanted anything. It just felt right.

[and then, in true zoro frustration and embarrassment, he goes back to raising his voice:] Why the hell do I have to explain this to you?! Just–[RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH]–Just get it, alright?!

[It's foreign.

It'd been enough to send Baren's heart into a frenzy when Zoro said that he missed him - because it was believable. Embarrassing but believable.

Zoro wanting him - past the physical?

It's so impossible to believe that Baren thinks it's a lie.

An unintentional one, misguided in Zoro's confusion. Mistaking lust for love isn't that odd, he's pretty sure Chuuya has the same problem. It's nothing that Baren holds against him, but it's also something that he knows he has to end now. Not enough to shatter their relationship, because he'd just promised otherwise, but enough to nip this empty infatuation in the bud.

Hence why he answers calmly, delivers his answer almost clinically.]

I don't date.

That's not up for negotiation - even for you, Z.

['Trust me,' he thinks, 'I'm doing you a favor.']

Edited 2017-08-30 07:29 pm (UTC)

[And then he relaxes, eyes bright with amusement. That's the bad news, but he thinks it's important to set that boundary before any hopes get too high up.

Then he reaches up to shove at Zoro's face almost playfully, just as he snorts and grins.]

Don't worry, you'll get yourself sorted out soon. Firsts are always a pain in the ass.

I do look good on paper, don't I?

[The reality is much worse, but he's flattered nonetheless.]

[There was the answer.]

As if. Half the time you look homeless. [The shove back is delayed, but still comes. He moves past Baren.] Jeez... why did I agree to follow a conceited guy like you, anyway...

[rhetorical, joking–or an attempt at it. there's plenty of reasons why. He points between the dishes, looking back at Baren.] So which one's yours?

The one that looks like it can feed two elephants - are you kidding? Of course meat mountain is yours, stupid.

[He'll still grab his own plate and move to the table, shrugging as he goes.

Already he's re-evaluating. No more flirting with Z until he gets over whatever this weird infatuation is. Maybe it's because he lost his promise with that one girl? Is he looking for someone to fill that void? Maybe he's lonely....

Baren experiments with the idea of making him a Tinder.]

Anyway, I dunno. Could always follow Toasty. All he'd ask is for you to chug protein and do three hundred back handsprings everyday. [ . . . ] I feel like after knowing you as long as I have I should know what working out actually looks like, but I like my idea better.

[He's already shoving meat in his face. At least one third of the stuff is gone. He is definitely eating with his mouth full.]

You're not supposed to answer, idiot. It's one of those... [he can't remember the word rhetorical so he just decides... fuck it.] ... Whatever.

Toshi's a good guy but but I don't trust him enough for it.