[baren reaches up for something to hold onto just bc the only time he doesn't trust zoro's driving to be smooth is when it's time to fight for parking

anyway]

Memes.

[to answer the babadook question]

Welcome to my life. Maybe you'll be recognized along with me today.

[PARKING'S FIIIINE. he steals a spot from a bmw and parallel parks at breakneck speed with perfect precision. it's terrifying.]

I don't want to be recognized for that.

[lil shove at baren's leg.] Let's get this over with, Oveinin.

[it sure is terrifying and baren is rubbing at his neck from the result of it

and also not hesitating to shift in the seat enough that he can lift his leg high enough to kick zoro before exiting the car]

Don't sound like that, this'll be fun, Malibu Ken! Maybe you'll upgrade to Gay Bar Ken.

[he swats at the kick while getting out himself. locks it up manually because this volvo is retro as fuq.]

What do I have to do to make sure you never say those words again.

[it's rhetorical. he thinks. he truly doesn't want to hear that shit again.]

Go with me to an actual gay bar.

[he's answering it even though it's rhetorical]

You'd be a hit. Meet your adoring fans.

[at least once they're at the Towers themselves, Baren takes the lead. he also puts on sunglasses while a the same time doing nothing to hide his signature feathers and hair bells

the duality of man]

[there's their next thread.]

I don't care about fans.

[just reminds him of that weird rooster he saw. and baren's obnoxious following. already he thinks he sees someone taking a picture. he speeds up to walk beside baren.]

Those bells make you sound like a cat.

Meow!

[shameless.

and baren shrugs even as he wanders into one store, raises a hand in greeting to one of the sales people before pressing one finger to his own lips. he will probably repeat this gesture in every store they go in]

Clearly not. Especially not for my fans. You gave that one kid a really hard time. It was kinda funny.

[dON'T NYA

zoro rolls his eyes since he was too late to cover baren's shameful mouth.]

You saw that? [he'll let baren wander in and putz around towards the front, picking and prodding at the upscale clothes like a plebian.] He was pathetic. It was annoying.

[absolutely a plebe

also yeah, baren reads anything that looks relevant to him on that dumb app.]

Ahahaha, right? I don't get fans like that! Gives me the creeeeeps and one of my hobbies is walking through cemeteries at night to pick a fight with ghosts.

Get any bites?

[it's mostly a joke. he kind of hopes its true. it'd be pretty gnarly to fight a ghost.]

He thinks I'm out to kill him, by the way. Your creepy fan.

[he picks up a shirt mostly because he's wondering if a piece of clothing consisting mostly of straps can really be a shirt. pokes his fingers through one of the many holes. hm.]

You did make a threat but I don't think he realizes that's how your type makes friends.

[testosterones, he means.... but also he's collecting a small pile of shit in his arms. at least he's come to know zoro's size as a result of borrowing his clothes]

Also yeah, for the record, I'm possessed by a ghost right now. Anything I say or do can't be held against me.

That sounds foreboding.

[just what are you going to say, baren...

He eyes that pile of clothing.]

Are those tassles?

Is it any more foreboding than what I normally say and do?

[Important questions.

Still, he's just gonna grin. Shamelessly.]

Tassles are suuuper in right now. Sequins too. Chic.

[the attendant in the front of the store has to clap her hands over her mouth to keep from laughing]

Like hell I'll wear that!!

[tassles, maybe. Sequins are where he draws the line.

The attendant laughing doesn't help.]

Aren't you supposed to know clothes?! Pick something better!

[ . . . . . ]

Hm.

Well alright, we can call it a day. I guess I can show this video around the next time I'm around a film set.

[erk.]

Hand me the damn sequins.

[damn right he's mumbling that. Maybe the lady behind him won't hear.]

[and baren gives a terribly annoying smirk

along with all the shitty, shitty clothes with disgusting patterns over to zoro]

You got it, Boss.

[grumbling, he carries the clothes into the dressing room.]

I'm just trying them on!

[and definitely not showing him. Especially once he realizes how bad his situation is.]

Why the hell doesn't this one cover my stomach?!

[why did you get him a sequined crop top]

[okay but the second the door closed, baren was pulling a hairpin out of his hair to pick at the lock. how does he get away with this. why isn't the attendant saying anything.

regardless he opens the door, already laughing]

Show, show, show! Do a little turn...!!

[zoro shoves past baren and shouts at the attendant.]

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO STOP THIS?!

[it might have been threatening if zoro wasn't wearing a glittering crop top. As it is, she starts laughing. It makes Zoro too flustered. He drags Baren into the dresding room just to save himself from the open door.]

I'm gonna beat your haunted ass once all this is done.

Don't get too mad at her, I'll probably bring up sales a ton once I pick what I'm buying from here.

[which is why baren gets away with shit.... terrible. sena might've been on to something when he said that baren gets away with too much just because he's quirky and good-looking.

anyway he'll just lean against one side of the wall and

not respond to zoro's threat, he's just gonna snap a pick of him in this gross glittery crop top while doing a low wolf whistle]

[Suddenly: a firm hand around Baren's phone. even in a glittery crop top, zoro looks like a man ready to kill.]

I'll break it.

[he can. baren's probably seen it happen to the phones of his pushy suitors.

he strips and pulls out the next outfit. time to spin the wheel and see what it is.]

[baren will just snort - ]

Don't do that, I don't have anyone's number memorized.

[liar liar he has his sister's number memorized and he might be able to dial the inkwell on muscle memory but details.

the answer is a man skirt + denim fabric halter combo

baren is very pleased he found both of these things in zoro's size]

[why.

zoro can't even put the full thing on. his body is rejecting it. the shirt he manages but the skirt remains at his thighs for a hot second before he's scrambling to get out of it.]

No.